The big debate…
Just been dealing with what is commonly called a tricky situation.
Our daughter has been getting quite anti-tobi of late. I know he has made a lot of mistakes this summer but it has been becoming a big concern to Rob and I of late the amount of bad feeling that there seems to be between the kids.
Anyway, tonight it all came pouring out. It seems that Pb is pretty pissed at her brother and she made some good points. Ones that we hadn’t thought of before.
Some of her issues were as follows,
1, The way that Tobi gets praised for behaving at school. She behaves well every day and no-one praises her.
2, When Tobi lies we discuss the reasons why he has lied and try to get to the bottom of it. He always says he doesn’t know why he has done it, and we all do our best to move on. Yet if Pb lies, we still discuss it, but we seem more dissapointed.
3, She is worried that when Tobi does things wrong it will just be put down to the fact he has some form of Autism.
4, Tobi has had a number of big incidents occur whilst at school. He blew up a computer by sticking a pencil in a socket without even knowing that he was faffing and no real action was taken by the school because it was Tobi. We did have to pay for the computer though, but no punishment was enforced by the school. He also put a window through at the bottom of a corridor because he was again faffing. Again, no action taken by the school. Just a cost to us. When if she did these things at school, she would be seriously punished.
5, The way he acts different in public and can be quite rude and still get away with it.
6, When Tobi steals things, or hides things we all suffer and nothing seems to happen.
Basically, she feels he gets away with so many things because of his illness and she doesn’t think it is fair.
This turned out to be quite an emotional evening. We had always thought that we had dealt with things fairly. We knew that we make allowances for Tobi and that in public we have to deal with him differently, but I don’t think that until this evening either of us had realised quite what an impact all of this was having on Pheb’s.
We try to let her know that we appreciate all that she does and how hard she works and how she protects her big brother in social circumstances. And how we know that when he is spouting rubbish that she could destroy his world but she doesn’t. But it seems that we have missed something. And to learn how unhappy she is breaks my heart.
Guess we will have to try harder.